The world is still coping with Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog breaking up after more than 40 years of dating. I haven’t stopped crying about it since news broke, tbh. How are any of us supposed to find love if these two crazy kids couldn’t work it out? *Grabs Ben & Jerry’s ice cream pint* *Eats entire thing* *Licks spoon dry*
But the Kermit and Miss Piggy news isn’t over, not by a long shot. Thanks to a revealing personal essay by Miss Piggy on People.com, we now know exactly why Kermit and she called it quits. In a nutshell? Piggy’s queen AF attitude wore Kermit out, and it deteriorated from there.
“In the past year or so, I realized that while Kermit and I were great together, we might be better off apart,” she wrote. “Oh sure, we cared deeply about each other, but we also wanted different things from life.”
Miss Piggy continued, “I wanted to be trending on all social media platforms. He wanted to “blend in with so many other ordinary things.” I wanted to go out and soak in the A-list nightlife. He wanted to stay home and soak in a tub of tepid swamp water. I wanted to live like a star. He wanted to live like a frog. I wanted Hollywood. He wanted vines.”
The iconic pig revealed things reached a fever pitch when she accepted the Sackler Center First Award from the Elizabeth A. Sackler Center for Feminist Art at the Brooklyn Museum in June. During her speech, Piggy realized she needed a man who didn’t stifle her stride. And, shortly after, the couple split. “…now, it’s time for moi,” she mused.
Nowadays, you can find Miss Piggy around town with hot A-listers like Liam Hemsworth. But don’t worry, fellas, Piggy’s not off the market yet, according to People.com. She is open to dating anyone hot, rich, and important. (Hot, rich, and important boys—step up to the front.)
Get your life, Miss Piggy! Get your MF life.
The Muppets premieres Sept. 22 at 8 p.m. on ABC.