Thirst Alert: Parched Diabetes Company Already Asked Rob Kardashian to Be Its Spokesperson

"Sorry about your diagnosis, Rob, but would you be down to sell some smoothies or nah?"

It barely took one week since Rob Kardashian’s Type 2 diabetes diagnosis for people to see dollar signs. TMZ reports that diabetic meal plan company, Five Hour Diabetic, already reached out to Rob with an offer to be its spokesperson for $100,000. I’m shaking my head and handing founder Frank Falat a tall glass of water.

I agree that this could be a positive move for Rob, but was it necessary to approach him this quickly? He was on the verge of a coma just a few days ago, and you want him to decide if he wants to push your smoothies and crock pot recipes? I don’t think so.

Not to mention, the company is trying to win him over by kissing his ass instead of helping to get it in shape. My favorite part of the offer letter (in addition to Falat’s claim that he and other fans “collectively held [their] breaths” during Rob’s hospitalization), was his praise of Rob’s time on Dancing With the Stars. No, really, this happened. The letter reads:

“We long for the times when you were happy and floating across the stage of Dancing With The Stars with Cheryl Burke. The way you spun Cheryl around your head shows me how strong of a person you are. In my opinion, you should have taken first place!”

We all know Rob is my DWTS bb, but this took it too far. Love him, but he was no Fred Astaire out there, and we’ve all come to accept it, so quit playing.

Maybe it was the hyperbolic relocation of Rob’s DWTS experience, the insensitive window of time, or mentioning the works Caitlyn and the rest of Rob’s famous family, but this all schmoozing just left a bad taste in my mouth and now I really need a smoothie.

Pizza is bae. And yes, I still say bae.
@taylorferber