Kris Jenner admits that dealing with Caitlyn’s transition has been a tough pill to swallow. So tough, she completely questions the 20-plus years she shared with Bruce. This isn’t insensitive, it’s honest.
The already-transparent mogul continued to share details of her emotional journey of accepting Caitlyn’s transition in Harper’s Bazaar, and none of it is sugarcoated. Even though she referred to Bruce as the love of her life in her 2011 memoir Kris Jenner… and All Things Kardashian, when asked if she still feels the same, she flat-out says “no.” To twist the knife, she says the whole process has made her (understandably) doubt being with her ex altogether, asking: “What were those 20-plus years all about? Why was I put through this? For 20 years I could have been doing something else.” More so, she admits her “only regret” is her divorce from her first husband, Robert Kardashian.
Not only are you already on the defense, but you feel terrible for Caitlyn, and probably their kids, Kendall and Kylie, too. But put yourself in Kris’ shoes. The person she thought she would be sharing her life with turned out to be someone completely different. And the world is watching her pick up the pieces. I won’t even begin to dissect the messy complication of what she must be feeling–conflicting emotions of love, trust, acceptance, betrayal and hurt. Still, she’s dealing. Even though, as we’ve seen on her show, she wasn’t happy about the way she found out and how things went afterwards. Still, she admits she has to “let it go” and “try to be tolerant” while holding onto her belief that “everything happens for a reason” (in this case, obviously Kendall and Kylie). Case in point: she’s doing the best she can.
It is the same bravery and optimism that allows her to see the positives of cheating on her late ex-husband Robert in her early thirties, ultimately leading to their downfall, which, as aforementioned, is her biggest regret. She reflects on the “wonderful, beautiful” life she had with him (who she married when she was just 22): “He was just an amazing man.” She even went as far as saying how much she misses him as a partner, friend and ally: “I always wish I could call Robert right now. That’s an everyday thing.” As a fan of Kris’ and admittedly, KUWTK, I was surprised. I also thought to myself: Damn. If she regrets parting from Robert to begin with, does that mean she wishes, on some level, she was never even with Bruce?
As shitty as that would be, I’m sure she does. And I can’t blame her. Of course she has her two daughters from her marriage, but I’m sure a part of her thinks life would be much easier if this whole thing was somehow averted. Having such thoughts wouldn’t make her cruel or non-accepting, but confused, hurt and in need of clarity and answers-something any human with a conscience would want. I know I would.
And if you’re judging her or seeing this as karma for initially cheating on Robert, then you’re the one who needs to be a little more accepting. She was young. Probably confused. Caught up in something she lost control in. She’s human and humans fuck up. If we don’t make mistakes, how do we learn? It’s not like she isn’t owning up to them. She’s a supermom and super businesswoman, but not a super hero, and she knows that. So cut her some slack.
The important thing is that she learned from it, experiencing what it was like to have “no power” through her first divorce, and never wanting to return to that place again. Clearly, this lesson has taught her well. But as far as looking back at her past and wondering what would be if she did things differently, I don’t think there’s anyone on the planet who hasn’t done the same, even without living under Kris’ difficult circumstances.