Everything That Annoyingly Distracted Us from The Weeknd’s Sexiness During His Oscars Performance

The Weekend can get it. Unfortunately, I didn’t get anything from him tonight at the Oscars.

What took me away from his sweet and sensual love making via lyrics on this otherwise average Sunday night, you ask?

The Cirque de Soleil meets Charmed display that went on during his performance of “Earned It” from the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack. There was a lot of dominatrix witchcraft happening in these few minutes, and although that sounds like a recipe for an explosion of sexy, it really just left us with a lot of questions. Things like…

• That many candles is just a dangerous fire hazard.

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• SEE?!

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• How many dead Oscar winners is The Weeknd contacting during this seance?

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• Did that acrobat get training from Pink?

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• Was The Weeknd’s reverberating hair hired as a backup dancer?

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• Is this a copy violation of Phantom of the Opera?

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• Or Hocus Pocus?

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• Is Bella hiding in one of those chandeliers?

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I need answers.