What’s Kylie Jenner Brewing in That Red Solo Cup? + More Celebrity Sorcery This Week

So many spells, so little time.

By Christopher Rosa and Alexa Teitjen

Has this week felt weird to you? Have you stepped in gum more than usual? Did you trip walking into your office yesterday–even though you wore flats? Don’t worry, we feel the weirdness, too. But it has nothing to do with you. There is no bad karma in the air. The reason is simple: celebrity witchcraft.

Something is brewing over in Hollywood, and it’s chock-full of dark magic. The spells A-listers are casting have thrown off everyone’s energy, hence your current gum-in-shoe problem. These are some of the witchiest pop culture moments of the week. Once you read them, every s–ty thing that happened to you on Monday will make sense. The answer is always–without fail–witches.

  • Calvin Harris allegedly curses Taylor Swift via song.

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    Alright, this isn’t confirmed, but gossip blogs like PerezHilton.com hint that Harris’ new tune “Olé” could be about ex-girlfriend Swift cheating on him with Tom Hiddleston. A Swift insider denied this to Us Weekly, but the lyrics are suspect.

  • Future might be an emoji-wielding warlock.

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    TMZ reported this morning that Ciara has filed new documents in her defamation lawsuit against Future. Under a headline that reads “CIARA: I’M WORRIED FUTURE WILL MURDER RUSSELL WILSON,” TMZ wrote that the singer included “various threats” Future has made, supposedly geared at her and/or fiance Russell Wilson, in these new documents. Ciara reportedly cited football and gun emojis Future supposedly posted to social media a while ago in the docs. She also reportedly included lyrics from DJ Esco’s “Juice,” on which Future raps, “Tryna f—k my baby mama, dog what’s up with you? You gon’ make me get that heat, I’m pulling up on you.” Interpret as you will.

  • The Better Business Bureau did not fall for Kylie Jenner’s beauty spell.

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    The BBB has several bones to pick with Kylie Cosmetics–133, to be exact. According to the blog, 133 complaints have been filed about Kylie Cosmetics since its 2015 launch, including 69 delivery complaints, 55 product complaints and nine advertising/sales/billing complaints. In fact, Kylie Cosmetics is flopping so hard with the BBB that is has a “literal F grade” (which has since been changed to no rating at all).

  • Louise Linton tries (and fails) to deceive every Black person on Earth.

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    Linton, who is apparently both an actress and an author, wrote a memoir called In Congo’s Shadow about her time spent in Zambia. It was 1999, she was 18 years old and her mother had just died of cancer. Linton decided to take a gap year and headed to Zambia to pursue her “innocent dreams of teaching the villagers English or educating them about the world.” What resulted was a 180 from Linton’s privileged upbringing in Edinburgh, Scotland—only, some don’t believe it’s entirely true.