E!’s new reality offering WAGS—which stands for “wives and girlfriends of sports stars,” obviously—premieres Tuesday, Aug. 18 at 10 p.m. EST. The show is a frothy slice of guilty pleasure kitsch that is one part Real Housewives, two parts Basketball Wives, and all parts glitter AF. It’s superficial and catty, sure, but what like-minded reality show isn’t about drama? If you embrace its nauseating commitment to materialism—and blaze past the anti-feminist schtick about staying snatched to protect your man—WAGS is a pretty sweet indulgence, much like doughnuts. Here’s why you should stuff your face with it when nobody is watching.
It tackles very serious medical issues.
Like “zipping up” your lady parts. Yes, during one episode, Natalie Halcro seeks out a “vagina specialist” to make her hoohah tighter for boyfriend and San Diego Chargers player Shaun Phillips’ birthday. You can’t make this ish up, y’all.
The shady comments are in abundant supply.
Listen, a show like this is useless without biznitchy behavior and copious hair-flipping. Don’t worry, bbs, WAGS has you covered. If Olivia Pierson and Barbie Blank’s tête-à-tête about cheating hockey players is any indication, things are about to get hella frosty.
And so is the hot athlete eye candy.
WAGS lays down thirst traps left and right 30 seconds into the first episode. Let’s be real: You don’t have to know these dudes’ names or teams to appreciate their impregnating smolders. (Cradle me like a football, tbh.)
Their casual vacations will give you aggressive, untreatable FOMO.
“Hey, let’s just go on this random boat and pop bottles because our BoY tOys~* are footing the bill!” It’s enough to make you hate/love every single one of these girls. Where the heck are our yachts?!
So will their run-of-the-mill purchases.Getty Images
Like when Antonio Gates’ wife, Sasha Dindayal, drops $80,000 on a whim for a five-carat necklace. Seriously, GTFO. (And buy us one, queen!)
CASUAL SPYING HAPPENS.Embedded from www.eonline.com.
How else are you supposed to keep track of your stud? Anything besides setting up a camera in his bedroom is futile.
And maybe some actual fighting?
We don’t know for sure, but this E! promo seriously hints at some nail-scratching tussles. Protect your investment, ladies. It’s just smart financial planning.
You’ll receive an education about what’s really important in life.
The WAG hierarchy, of course! (What, did you think we were going to talk about something trivial like world hunger?) Wives have the highest rank, followed by fiancées, girlfriends, and “just hos.” This is some military-level shiz.
Intriguing, provocative, and groundbreaking.
But, most important, it’s an A+ alternative to your Keeping Up with the Kardashians coma.
Not after watching WAGS, Kim. We’ve shifted our loyalty. Don’t kill us.