It’s one of the toughest decisions you’ll have to make when it comes to your favorite celebrities: Smash, Marry, or Kill. 2014 provided us plenty of stars who fall under the SMK category, and we narrowed down the difficult options. Check out our end-of-year edition of Smash, Marry, Kill, and tell us if you agree with our choices!
People’s Sexiest Man Alive Snubs: Chris Pratt, Idris Elba, Ryan Gosling
Smash: Idris Elba
Even if the Luther star’s massive bulge was an, er, illusion, the actor is still an indisputable hottie who also happens to have a very good sense of humor about said misinterpreted package.
Marry: Chris Pratt
Ever read an interview with Chris Pratt? He’s so gaga over his wife and son. Total dream guy. Plus, you already know that even if he put on weight, he’d still be adorable.
Kill: Ryan Gosling
NOW JUST HOLD ON ONE SECOND HERE. Let it be known, we have no intention, nor desire to kill the almighty, beautiful Ryan Gosling. That’s a given. We’re not monsters. But, in the context of these choices, we simply must put him here for his unwillingness to be given his deserving Sexiest Man Alive title. You’re killing us, Goosey.
Find out how Pratt stepped into those superhero shoes for Guardians of the Galaxy.
The “Bang Bang” Singers: Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj, Jessie J
Smash: Nicki Minaj
Was there ever really any question? In 2014, Nicki Minaj was basically the definition of bang bang.
Marry: Jessie J
Let’s face it, of all these sexy, powerful, chart-topping ladies, Jessie J is the probably the one you’d feel most at ease bringing home to mom.
Kill: Ariana Grande
She unleashed some unrelenting earworms this year, including her verse in this hit collaboration. The ponytail-ed one must pay!
The New Orange Is The New Black Inmates: Vee, Soso, Lolly
Sure, Soso was so, so annoying, but her sex scene with Nicky was pretty hot.
Marry: LollyWho was Lolly you ask? Why she was Piper’s plane mate in the first episode of Season 2, played by a blink-and-you’ll-miss-her Lori Petty. The actress will reportedly have a bigger role in the upcoming third season, so our opinion of her might change, but we liked what we saw so far.
Kill: VeeWe’re all on Team Rosa when it comes to this choice.
True Detective Antiheroes: Marty, Rust, Rust’s Beer Can Men
Yes, he speaks in dizzying riddles and brings dark and brooding to a whole new level, but, c’mon, it’s Matthew McConaughey.
Marry: Rust’s Beer Can MenThey are also the strong, silent type, but you know, without all the hefty emotional baggage.
Marty is the “fun” one of this bleak gang, but he’s still a philanderer capable of tearing your family apart. Not worth the trouble.
TV Characters Brought Back from the TV Dead: Valerie Cherish (The Comeback), Sarah Linden (The Killing), Veronica Mars (Veronica Mars)
Smash: Sarah Linden
She deserves some fun in her life, no?
Marry: Veronica Mars
Still charming and clever as ever.
Kill: Valerie Cherish
The awkwardness is still slowly killing us, now more than ever.
Man Buns: Jake Gyllenhaal’s Nightcrawler-era Man Bun, Cary Fukunaga’s Emmy Man Bun, Jared Leto’s Golden Globes Man Bun
Smash: Jared Leto’s Golden Globes Man Bun
Jared Leto, man bun or otherwise, will always fall into this category.
Marry: Cary Fukunaga’s Emmy Man Bun. Well, Braid.
The True Detective director’s man bun was peak man hair perfection. Let’s hold on to that feeling just a little bit longer.
Kill: Jake Gyllenhaal’s Nightcrawler-era Man Bun
Jake Gyllenhaal was unparalleled levels of creepy in this thriller, and his character’s man bun (which he kept after the film) only added to the uneasiness.
Funny Ladies Turned First-Time Memoirists: Lena Dunham, Amy Poehler, Judy Greer
Smash: Judy Greer
Wickedly sexy, smart, and funny? ’Nuff said.
Marry: Amy Poehler
It’s Amy freakin’ Poehler. This one is a no-brainer.
Kill: Lena Dunham
Yes, we realize this would make the Internet self-implode.
The Various Phases of 2014 Pharrell: Oscars Ceremony Pharrell, The Voice Coach Pharrell, “Marilyn Monroe” Video Pharrell
Smash: The Voice Pharrell
It’s not easy to be the sexy one when you’re competing with the likes of Adam Levine and Blake Shelton, but we’ll be damned if Pharrell doesn’t pull it off.
Marry: Oscars Ceremony Pharrell
Any man who can shake it with Lupita Nyong’o, Amy Adams, and Meryl Streep in the span of a minute is a man worth spending your life with.
Kill: “Marilyn Monroe” video Pharrell
Pharrell was everywhere in 2014, often wearing comically large hats, but it was the overplayed “Blurred Lines”-like video vibes that was overkill.
Not-Kim Kardashian Kardashians: Khloe Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Kris Jenner
Smash: Khloe Kardashian
She makes starting over look good.
Marry: Kourtney Kardashian
Out of our way, Scott Disick!
Kill: Kris Jenner
Even without the Kardashian name, she’s still a really intense stage mom.
Smash: Sexy, New Grown-Up Nick Jonas
Do we really have to explain why?
Marry: Sexy, New Grown-Up Nick Jonas
He’s only going to keep getting better with age, right?
Kill: Sexy, New Grown-Up Nick Jonas
We can still remember you as a pure, young pop star and it just feels so wrong.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]