'Sharknado 3''s Most Gloriously Absurd Moments

Are there any other kind?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Syfy, the network aired Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! on Wednesday night. The third installment in the utterly ridiculous, albeit popular so-bad-it's-bad franchise, which stars Beverly Hills, 90210's Ian Ziering, was chock full of moments that have made the cheese-tastic saga the social network phenomenon it's become.

With more D-list cameos than you can shake a shark fin at (Jerry Springer! Michelle Bachmann! David Hasselhoff! Kendra Wilkinson! Anthony Weiner! Bo Derek...WHY?!?) and an utterly pointless "plot" (even by Sharknado standards), there are plenty of gloriously absurd moments from Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No to revel in! Check them all out.

-Returning hero Ian Ziering is awarded a golden chainsaw by the President of the Unites States, who is Mark Cuban. (And for that reason, I'm out.) Ann Coulter is the Vice President. Bill Engvall is the Chief of Staff. Honestly, a sharknado doesn't sound so bad now, does it?

-Coulter and Mark McGrath surf down a flight of steps on priceless White House paintings to escape sharks.

-A shark lands on the lap of Abraham Lincoln at the Lincoln Monument. Honestly.

-Coulter, Cuban, McGrath, and Ziering impale a shark with an American flag, all while imitating the iconic Iwo Jima image. The Sharknado franchise, if nothing else, reminds us the human race is already a lost cause.

Yes, #Sharknado3 went there!— Lynette Rice (@Lynetterice) July 23, 2015

-Someone is diagnosed with having "Post-traumatic shark disorder."

-Hey, there's Frankie Muniz! And, oh no, he loses all his limbs, Monty Python-style! And then he's uses his chin to press a button to blow up a bunch of sharks! The science of this movie is air-tight!

Leave Frankie alone! #Sharknado3— Mashable GIF (@mashablegif) July 23, 2015

-A sharknado tears through a NASCAR race, because this movie wasn't nearly American enough.

-Chris Jericho is a roller coaster operator who gets eaten by a shark...on a roller coaster.

It was time. ✌️ #Sharknado3 cc: @IAmJericho— Sharknado (@SharknadoSyfy) July 23, 2015

-Game of Thrones scribe George R.R. Martin gets his TV death comeuppance and is eaten by a 3D shark. Now enough with Sharknado cameos and get back to writing!

-Ian Ziering and The Hoff (who dies a noble, Gravity-inspired death) are sent into space to fight the sharknados with lasers because, as we'll remind you once more, the science in this movie is iron-clad. Oh, and Ziering fights a shark head-on while floating in outer space after his ship has exploded and then rides its charred carcass all the way back to Earth. Again, science.

-The Today Show gets completely obliterated by a sharknado. R.I.P. Al Roker.

-Tara Reid gives birth INSIDE OF A SHARK and then gets impaled by a falling piece of space debris. Well, at least we can guess what the fourth one will be called: Gil: Son of Sharknado.