'Love & Hip Hop' Season Premiere Recap: "I'm The Wifey"

She's the wifey.

This season of Love & Hip Hop looks like it's going to combine some New York edge with some Atlanta crazy. Up until now, the New York-original flavor of the series has maintained a more serious side with fewer love triangles and more people just trying to figure out how to reconcile love and business. That's about to change thanks to Peter Gunz. But first, let's get caught up with some of the old familiars.

Joe & Tahiry

"Yes, people, Joe Budden and Tahiry are back together." (Yay!) As we see the pair doing their old thing (Joe playing cinematographer of their every day lives), Joe wastes no time telling Tahiry he wants a baby. But Tahiry's freezing Joe out for the moment because she's waiting on the results of his STD test before she lets him have any piece of her. (Sounds like someone saw The TLC Story and isn't about to chase waterfalls.) Joe's pretty sure she has nothing to worry about.

So far though, they're on solid ground after ten shaky years of breaking up and making up. "We're even going to therapy," Tahiry explains.

After days of waiting, Joe takes Tahiry out to celebrate --- their STD tests all came back clean, "We both know what that means," Joe says. "She's gonna have a hard night tonight."

You've gotta love a couple that celebrates their impending night of sex with the old "up high!"

Yandy & Mendeecees

Poor Yandy, waiting on her man while he's in jail and trying to raise her baby, Omere, and his son, Mendeecees Jr., without him. Yandy is a good mom and only wants to protect the boys and provide for them while her man is locked up, and she's been telling seven-year-old Mendeecees Jr. that his dad is in the Army and that's why he's not home. The kid is young, but he's no fool, and he knows the truth. He breaks Yandy's heart in a million pieces when he tells her "You know I knew that my father's in jail. When you first knew, I first knew."

"How long you been keeping that in?" she asks him.

"Months."

That shattering sound you just heard was all of our hearts breaking, actually.

If that wasn't hard enough, Mendeecees stint in jail is taking a toll on their relationship and they argue on the phone, when they get the chance to speak. Worse is the fact that Yandy doesn't know how long he'll be away for, but the outlook at the moment if very grim --- could be a minimum of twenty years. This relationship is being tested like no other.

K.Michelle

Now that K.Michelle is part of this New York cast and doing this New York thing, it's time we meet some of her New york friends, like Paris. Paris is there to pick her friend up as she arrives to the city.

Together, they conspire to find K a man. "What about a white man?" K asks. Since Paris is the native New Yorker, surely she must know someone.

Men and music. Those are K.Michelle's goals for the time being. At least we know shes having great success with the latter.

Rich & Erica

Rich and Erica are no longer together, but the real surprise is that they're still close friends. After all the turmoil with Tiffany last season, we don't know how they forgave and forgot all that drama, but they're proving that they're mature enough to get past things. Good for them!

Rich meets up with Erica at a lingerie store where she's picking out an outfit to wear on the cover of her new sex book. It's a book about how to please a woman, because, as she explains, "Right now, I'm batting for the other team. I gotta say, I'm lovin' a woman's touch." See, her experience dating Rich was so effed up that she decided to take a break from dudes, and part of the craziness of it all had to do with Peter Gunz, Rich's partner who was decidedly anti-Erica. Erica's no fan of "Little Gunz" since he played a role in breaking them up. And you can see that in her face when she talks about him.

"You gotta kinda cut out the Little Gunz situation," she tells Rich. "You can call me trouble, but this dude is a backstabbing snake."

On to that backstabbing snake!

Peter & Tara...& Amina

Tara Wallace and Pete Gunz have two kids together, a thirteen-year history, and from the looks of it, an ideal relationship. After over a decade, they still look completely in love and lust with each other. Tara knows that Peter's been working with Amina, a.k.a. Amina Buddafly, and wants to get her signed to Rich and Yandy's budding new record label, but Tara only meets Amina at her performer showcase, where Amina sings for Rich and Yandy.

To watch the two women meet, it seems like a perfectly normal event.

Oh, to be privy to Peter's thoughts at that exact moment.

Over in the studio after the showcase, we see the real nature of Amina and Peter's relationship. She lets him play her keyboards (sort of a euphemism but also quite literally), and he explains that Tara is his soulmate but Amina...he just connects with on a musical level. Where have we seen this kind of behavior before?

*COUGH*STEVIEJ*COUGH*

"My heart is torn between these two amazing women," Peter explains, saying he's genuinely in love with them both. After a night in the studio with Amina, Pete doesn't return home, and when he finally rolls up to the park to say hi to Tara, she's angry. Rightfully so, he bailed on taking his son to school, he never called Tara to tell her where he was, and the first sign of where he'd been was an Instagram photo of him with Amina lying on his chest. Oh, this Instagram??

"Are you f---ing with her?" Tara asks, and he tells her "No." But Tara's used to this kind of behavior and tells him "You act like you don't remember your double life. I was pregnant and you had another child someplace else that I didn't even know about."

Peter kept trying to tell Tara his phone was off, his phone was dead and, bless her, Tara doesn't buy the bull. "We all know how phones work nowadays."

"I don't believe you," Tara tells him. "You're a f---ing liar. You're just being a f---ing dick is what you're doing."

So contrast that relationship with this one:

"We've been together for a year now," Amina explains. Their working relationship became intimate, and now Amina is waiting for Peter to break things off with Tara so they can out themselves Apparently she doesn't realize she and Tara are both being played. Amina resents the fact that Peter has another life with another woman and their kids who require his attention. "I just want him around more, I want him with me, is that too much for a girl to ask for?"

Peter and Rich meet up to hear Amina play and that's when Peter lets his pal know "I feel like I'm falling in love with my artist."

Rich, Mr. Been There Done That, advises against this. "You know how ridiculous you sound right now?? Come on, Gunz. You slippin', baby!"

"This is way messier than anything I would even contemplate getting myself into," Rich says. And that's BEFORE he finds out that, yeah, Peter and Amina are married.

When Rich tells Amina to play her position and Tara's the wifey, Amina puts Rich in his place, telling him "That's not f---ing wifey. I'm the wifey, if you knew already. He didn't tell you that he married me?" Nope, he did not. And to prove it, she's got some ink to make it official.

"That's my name." And with that, this show just became the TV equivalent of a bowl of Total. Just one episode of Love & Hip Hop has more crazy packed into it than six episodes of any other leading TV program.