Joe Jonas' Alleged Sex Tape Has Drugs, Slapper Paddles, Ball Gags, And Our Undivided Attention

Well this is a surprising end to our otherwise uneventful Thursday afternoon. Apparently former Purity Ring brandishing Disney boybander Joe Jonas has a sex tape. And it sounds kinda out of control.

blanda_1.jpg

blanda_2.jpg

blanda_3.jpg

blanda_4.jpg

blanda_5.jpg

blanda_6.jpg

blanda_7.jpg

According to Blind Gossip, the tape will allegedly be released (in some form) on April 3rd, and it will definitely lose the kid's demographic. "The video features explicit footage of Joe Jonas, 23, and his girlfriend, Blanda Eggenschwiler, 28, drinking, doing drugs, and engaging in sex using a number of sex toys and BDSM devices, including dildos, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle," says the website. Go on...

The tape was (allegedly) made early this month at the Park Tower hotel in Buenos Aries, where the Jonas Brothers are currently on tour. The clip (ALLEGEDLY) starts with the two smoking pot and drinking on the bed while Blanda patiently explains to Joe all of the crazy s--t she's about to inflict on his heartthrob body. Strangely, he seems down with it.

Then the sex toys come out and Blanda starts going to town on Joe. He a good sport until the spanking paddle comes out. "Owww! Don't do that anymore!" he screams (ALLEGEDLY!!!). Whips and dildos come out, and pretty soon it sounds like a tasty piece of ridiculously obscene fan fiction, topped off with Blanda's claims that she's just using Joe to get famous (a la Kim Kardashian).

All in all, it sounds too hilariously intense to be true. And it sure seems that way, as Joe's people predictably fired off the following statement: "There is no truth or validity to this story. It is completely false." Now good luck getting the image of Joe Jonas with a ball-gag out of your minds!

[Photo: Splash News Online]