The 'Fifty Shades of Grey' R Rating Means No Hope of Seeing Jamie Dornan's Dick

Am I the only one who's pissed that Fifty Shades of Grey has officially been rated R? That stuff should be NC-17 and you know it. If you remember correctly, producers said there would be two versions of the film, one rated R and one rated NC-17, but now they're chickening out and bringing my morale way down. You would, Universal.

E.L. James had some freaky action in her books, which is obviously why they are so wildly popular. Shamelessly, we were ready to see it all play out in theaters. In an interview earlier this year, Dornan insinuated that he wouldn't be shooting full-frontal, and recently compared his junk to "a little bag of grapes" that he tucked away on set. But on some level, I still felt a sliver of hope that we would see something. ANYTHING. Even a millisecond side-peak, Ben Affleck style.

The movie is rated R partly for "unusual behavior." I hate to break the news, but a little moaning and groaning isn't all that unusual on the big screen these days. Man up, people, and give the audience what it wants. And if that's basically soft porn, so be it.

[Photo Credit: OfficialFifty/Universal]