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Usher's Off The Market, So Let's Relive The Sexiest Times He Gave Lap Dances To Fans

Oh, Usher. All we want to do is sigh all day for Usher. The sexiest male performer ever to walk a stage has us all swoony and gushy for his athletic, sweaty, shirtless body. And we're not the only ones. Usher has made the audience lap dance truly famous, as he's pulled up woman after woman —show after show— to grind up against while he sings "Trading Places." And what wouldn't we give to be trading places with any one of those lucky ladies!

So get ready to feel a little warm between your thighs, because we're reliving the sexiest times that Usher gave lap daces to his female fans. And then get ready to cry yourself to sleep tonight when you remember that he's engaged to business partner Grace Miguel.

The Twerking Girl

If you're an Usher fan, you're familiar with the twerking girl. If you're not an Usher fan, you need to acquaint yourself with her NOW. Probably the hottest fan lap dance Usher has ever given, this girl got on the stage with all the confidence in the world, and twerked all over Usher like it was her show and he was just lucky to be there. It's super hot, and making us weep into the night because we literally have no idea how to move our butts like that.

The Slow Burn

This girl starts off slow, completely star struck by Usher's presence, but by the end of it, she's grinding on him pretty hard. We wonder if we'd ever have the courage, in the same situation, to rub ourselves all over Usher so sexily. This author is pretty sure she'd puke if Usher so much as looked at her, so there's that.

The Everywoman

Grace is us. Grace is exactly us pulled on stage and given a lap dance from Usher. She's cute and giggly, and barely knows what to do with herself. Shy and awestruck, she embodies us all.

The… Orgasm?

Prepare yourself to sob with horniness and jealousy as you watch this girl basically dry hump Usher into oblivion, and perhaps also… Oh, it can't be… completion?

The Shyest

This girl will make you bawl on account of how shy she is. "Come on woman," you'll shout through your tears, "Get it together. You've got ONE CHANCE WITH USHER AND THIS IS IT!"

The One That Was Worthy Of A Kiss

THIS FAN GOT A KISS! A KISS! Is snot running down your face onto your shirt as you hysterically cry out of enraged jealousy?

The Touchy Feely

The girl in this video is a little awkward with Ush (who wouldn't be at first? It must be a weird mixture of fear, shock and desire), but when he lays her down and starts rubbing her bikini areas with his hand, we know what we'll be dreaming about when we finally fall asleep tonight...

The Girl Who Actually Cried Herself To Sleep

This girl actually seems like she probably went home and cried herself to sleep, given that she cried the whole way through her lap dance.

The Not-So-Sure

Ten bucks says this girl had her boyfriend is in the audience. She looks like she WANTS to enjoy bumping up on Usher but also like something is holding her back. Let's all have a cry for this poor, poor girl, who got the opportunity to get it with Usher but seems like she was thwarted by prior commitments.

The Kicker

And this girl DEFINITELY cried herself to sleep, because what could possibly be worse than accidentally kicking Usher in the head mid-lap dance?