'Scandal': Is Olivia Pope Really Worth $1.5 Billion?

-Michael Arceneaux

How many of you Gladiators were hoping that last night’s episode would end with Olivia Pope being set free from her kidnappers and returning back to normal (fixing things and sleeping with her married boyfriend)? For those Scandal viewers that were, congratulations, you’re still invited to my prayer circle where we spend time asking The Lord (and Beyoncé, for extra good luck) to spare us from this increasingly weird and exhausting storyline. However, we have to work with what what Shonda Rhimes and Olivia Pope give us in the meantime, so c’mon, let’s discuss last night’s events as a family.

1. “Who has more money than the United States of America?"

Leave it to Fitz to think with the wrong head and assume this deeply in debt country can just splurge on a black market sale for Olivia Pope. I love Olivia and her coat collection, but these roads are raggedy, POTUS. Prioritize. Ugh, Republicans.

2. Is Andrew a goon or nah?

One minute VP Andrew is a goofy, Rick Perry face having number two just happy to be around, and the next, an evil mastermind who would shoot Dick Cheney in the head and make him buy a replacement bullet. Then after his hired goon Ian breaks their deal, he’s begging him. You ain’t real, Andrew.

3. So Huck is a billionaire because he transferred the secret government money used to fund B316 to his private account?

Girl, what?

4. Are you the only one feeling weird about a Black woman estimating her own auction price?

Hell no. It creeps me out. C’mon, it’s Black History Month!

5. Why is Olivia Pope worth $1.5 billion?

I really like Olivia, but I think not. She barely even does her day job anymore. Good luck getting a return on that investment.

6. So this Gus person just shoots Ian?

I ask this because it speaks to what I feel like is the larger problem with the way the show operates at times: doing the most for the sake of. I’m not sure if Scandal will ever go back to Olivia Pope and Associates cleaning up powerful people’s messes, but it beats the mess you make when you keep trying to up the ante for no other reason than because you can.

7. Who is the silent author of this storyline: Vodka, tequila, whiskey, rum, or wine?

But no shade.

Kerry Washington reveals how long she wants to continue playing the woman in the white hat.

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8. Is Gus the first white man on Scandal that Olivia Pope rejected?

I saw a few folks ask this question via the Twitter. I believe so. Gus: An Apollo legend.

9. Is the Darknet real?

Why yes, it’s an actual thing. Figures the most plausible thing about this entire implausible ordeal would be the part about the online backdoor to doom.

10. Can we give Quinn a little love?

Most people hate Quinn, though I am not one of those people given no matter how annoying she can be, but it’s all Olivia’s fault for ruining her life. In any event, when the last two gladiators were trying to come up with the funds to bid on Liv, Quinn quipped, "All I have is student loans." Insert 100 emoji here.

Moreover, Quinn proved to be a better negotiator with Mama Pope than David Rosen, attorney general and really annoying person. Respect.

@RantingOwl: "All I have is student loans." –Quinn, the voice of a generation #Scandal

11. Why couldn’t Mama Pope at least get HBO?

OK, she’s an international terrorist, but if she’s helping you get your beloved Olivia Pope back via her connect, why not give her at least one premium channel?

12. Wasn’t it nice to see Cyrus restore his goon?

I’m so glad Fitz lit a fire in Cyrus for him to target Andrew, and thus, his little sidepiece and Cyrus’ arch nemesis, Elizabeth North. I howled when he cornered and blackmailed her, letting her know plainly, “You will, however, be my bitch till the end of time.”

13. Will Mellie ever catch a bae break?

This woman cannot find a good husband or a good sidepiece. Poor Mellie Mel.

14. Isn’t it about time Mellie voiced her political ambitions out loud?

I was so happy to see Hillary tell Bill, “I want to be president of the United States.” Speak it into existence, girl.

15. Does Olivia ever know when to shut up?

Olivia bragged about Fitz coming to save her. Impatient over that, Olivia then convinced her captor to sell her to the highest bidder. When that guy got killed, she talked noise to the new head of command only to then try and coach the computer guys into letting her go. They didn’t listen, which I hope let Olivia know that sometimes it’s OK to shut up and chill.

16. Have you noticed Olivia Pope sits at the intersection of LinkedIn and Iyanla Vanzant?

If not, you’re welcome. I helped.

17. Is Rowan Pope the winner of the auction?

I haven’t a clue. At this rate, it could be Jay Z or Ross Perot.

18. Will you be Abby’s friend?

She needs more.

19. Where exactly is this story going?

I wish I knew.

[Photo Credit: ABC]