'Empire': Does Cookie Deserve Better Than Lucious Lyon?

-Michael Arceneaux

On last night’s Empire, Jamal officially became Frank Ocean with rhythm, Boo Boo Kitty’s heart is broken, and Cookie meets Camilla, the Tyga to Hakeem’s Kylie Jenner. Oh, and Andre has another breakdown. Y’all need to lift that man’s name in prayer. On to the questions.

1. What do Mary J. Blige and Cookie have in common?

According to the flashback scene that launched last night’s episode, the same wig Mary J. Blige wore during the Share My World era. Dipping on ya Ninja Honda with Tanisha and Rhonda, what? Yes, I’m doing the bounce right now. Join me, why don’t you?

2. So Cookie hasn't given the nookie to anyone besides Lucious?

That’s what she told Lucious last night and I never felt sadder for my girl. Like, you’ve got to get on Tinder, Cookie, and fix that. There’s no way you will be 40 and only bedding one man. Just no.

3. Who else laughed each time Lucious sang, “You’re so beautiful?”

Bless his heart. You all didn’t buy the Terrence Howard album and he’s going to try his best to use this show to get y’all to regret that decision. I doubt it happens unless he finds a way to work in “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” into a future scene.

4. How are you promising to get rid of your fiancé of five minutes?

And how did Cookie not know better than to trust Lucious. Never trust a man who speaks mostly in Disney villain whisper.

5. So can we all agree that Andre and Rhonda are THOTS?

And by THOTS, I mean opportunistic swings, but THOTS is more contemporary. Like, Andre was willing to pimp out his wife to a man who looked 112-years-old and was wheelchair bound. Yes, wheelchair bound baes need loving, too, but not from Andre’s wife aka Evil Kelly Ripa. Then again, I did hear Andre say, “I thought you like our games.” I guess both of them knew what they were getting into when they got married.

6. Who knew all Hakeem needed was his mommy to tell him that she loved him?

Hakeem has been throwing temper tantrums ever since Cookie was released from prison and finally Lucious, playing the role of Iyanla Vanzant, got him to air his real grievance: He thinks Cookie loves Jamal more than him. Insert an “aww” here. Thankfully, Cookie explained that she just knows Jamal better than him, but is willing to get to know him if he’ll allow it. The brat agreed to that, proving once again how whiny the youngest member of a family can be. As a middle child, I reserve the right to throw that shade. Catch it, littlest siblings.

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7. Did anyone feel bad about Boo Boo Kitty’s hurt feelings?

I sure didn’t. Sure, technically Lucious is her man and Cookie was in the wrong, but I don’t like her. She’s petty, vindictive, and Cookie hates her. That’s enough to say screw her thoughts and her feelings. Two bonus points to Cookie for cracking Anika’s jaw by telling her they had sex more than once and ending the revelation with, “Congratulations. You look pretty.”

8. Is it that easy to get a date with Jamal?

All the new Australian guy did was smile at him, say hey, and ask him to get a drink. But I suppose when you look like that, your word count can be that low.

9. So these people have still yet to Google ALS?

When your father reveals he has ALS, it’s about time you get on the Google and figure out what he’s facing. You don’t need to be enlightened about it at a dinner party.

10. Must you do this every week, Lee Daniels?

I cringed so hard during that scene where Jamal’s date went, “The joys of being the son of a Black man.” Must we continue pushing the false narrative that Black people are the X-Men of homophobia?

11. So Raven-Symoné still hasn’t been found?

It was cute watching Jamal sing tunes from The Lion King to his possible daughter, but where’s that mama? Rich folks know how to find people.

12. What was with those White Party outfits?

Cookie looked like she was about to go to the best hip hop party of 1996, so she was normal. However, Jamal looked like he was about to hang out with the Shahs of Sunset. Lucious looked like he was a COGIC pastor.

13. Can Cookie and Camilla fight some more, please?

Not many mothers would immediately tell off their child’s way too old significant other, but that’s pretty much the difference between a Cookie and a Kris Jenner.

14. Could Jamal have come out any better way?

It was quite predictable, but perfect all the same. It’s also great that Hakeem came over to Jamal’s place to let him know how proud he was of him for coming out. They’re like Beyoncé and Solange; Alvin and Simon; Britney and Jamie Lynn.

15. Isn't that a big ass apartment in Brooklyn for Jamal to be broke?

And he has a dishwasher. If that’s broke in New York City, sign me the hell up.

16. Since when does Lucious hate a problem with interracial dating?

Wasn’t it odd for Lucious to tell Andre that he cannot trust him to run Empire Entertainment because he married a white woman? Like, they’ve been married for so long and suddenly it’s a problem for Lucious? If that were the case, why wait so long to tell Andre? Andre has already proven himself willing to do anything to win his father’s approval. Wouldn’t he have opted not to marry Evil Kelly Ripa if Lucious explained his problem? Am I being silly trying to make sense of a soap opera? Stop laughing at me.

17. How did Cookie’s eyebrows remain on fleek in prison?

Was Sophia Burset her cellmate?

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[Photo Credit: FOX]