Hype Energy dropped a bizarre drink commercial yesterday starring casual American icon Kim Kardashian. In the two-minute clip, an Audrey Hepburn-inspired Kim rides a bike filled with Hype drinks but then suddenly crashes. We're then transported to Bike Kim's dream, where she's dressed as Marie Antoinette and getting her sleep on. After drinking some delicious Hype—P.S.: What is Hype?—she magically aWaKeNs~* and has a dance party for one.
The bravery in this Oscar-worthy clip is akin to Kanye West's 2009 Taylor Swift rant. It took us a day to process everything, but we're finally ready to offer our top-shelf analysis of the video. Warning: Philosophical realness ahead.
Kim can ride a bike? We didn't know this. Clearly, this tells viewers not to underestimate the people in their lives. Baes will surprise you.
Why does she need that many energy drinks? The answer is simple: they're not all for her. Kim is delivering these beverages to the tired children of the world. Essentially, she's the Mother Theresa of fizzy libations.
The uncomfortable and aggressive straight line Kim's bangs make represents the rigid patriarchy of American society. Hype can cure this with just one one sip.
Notice how the drinks do not explode everywhere after hitting the road. The indestructible cans parallel both the resilience of the Kardashian family and a chaotic world without selfies.
Of course she's daydreaming about herself. The Marie Antoinette fantasy illustrates the timelessness of the Kardashian brand. And Hype.
Pouring an accessible drink like Hype in a fancy glass next to a sleeping Marie/Kim highlights the jarring gap between America's 1 percent and the rest of the country.
Here is Kim's cleavage. It obviously symbolizes the sexual liberation one feels after drinking Hype.
This additional artsy shot of Marie/Kim's breasts criticizes the amount of sexual emphasis we place on women in media. By having two boob shots back to back, we feel nauseated and inundated with X-rated messages. It's trying to tell us that Kim (and all women) are more than their brassieres. This is a beautiful feminist moment, tbh.
Kim rising is a metaphor that urges people to wake up and embrace Tidal.
"The Sip" is the commercial's climax. It informs us that, if we drink Hype, we also will become Marie Antoinette.
Kim places her hands on her temples in frustration because the world can't accept Tyga and Kylie Jenner's relationship.
During the bizarre modern dance sequence at the end, Kim looks off into the foreboding distance. She's foreshadowing the terrors to come when Instagram places a limit on posts per day.
We'll have a pop quiz tomorrow.