Here's the Tea: Jessica Simpson Was Funnier on Reality TV Than Any of the Kardashians

You probably watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and we don't blame you for enjoying it. Hell, we shamelessly enjoy their shamelessness too.

They're sassy.

And hilarious.

"Kim, there's people that are dying."

A+ entertainment, in our opinion.

However, let's not forget the person who blazed the trail for the Kardashians. The true reality TV icon. A queen, even. Ms. Jessica Simpson. Today's her 35th birthday, so to ignore her would just be plain rude.

BOW THE EFF DOWN.

She slayed the game on MTV's Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica a whopping four years before the Kardashians took over the world. Just look at her laying down hard facts in her house like a GD boss.

Or when she was literally all of us.

We still get anxiety pumping gas, tbh.

How about when she and Nick Lachey made you feel #RelationshipGoals long before Kim and Kanye? (And—erm—Kourtney and Scott at one point before recent ugliness.)

She was relatable AF.

...not exactly a culinary expert.

Remember when she said in disgust, "I don't eat buffalo" when confronted with buffalo wings? We can't. We just can't.

But she knew the important things, like how a good cuddle session can cure all problems. Or just, ya know, being around the smokeshow that was 2003 Nick. (Actually, he's still got it.)

She once did this with her legs.

A pioneering feminist moment in pop culture.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE TIME SHE DID THE MOST ICONIC THING TO EVER HAPPEN ON TELEVISION.

"Is this chicken what I have or is this fish?" The phrase changed the GD world.

Here it is in GIF form. (Don't you see how it trumps anything the Kardashians have ever said ever?)

Flawless.

But the cake happened when Jessica and her friend got Lasik eye surgery, and the struggle was beyond real.

They couldn't see a damn thing.

But, like brave souls, they marched on (blindly) to eat burgers. Red-blooded Americans.

Blind Jessica Simpson putting ketchup on a burger at Red Robin is the everygirl.

In conclusion, thank you for all the laughs, J. You're the one.

*Can't see the haters.*

Watch I Love the 2000s relive the awesomeness that was Newlyweds in the video below.

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